Paul Middleton – My Cancer Journey

I have found living with cancer is a rollercoaster, you have the physical challenges as a result of operations and chemotherapy and also you have the constant mental torture of those nagging voices inside your head.

Whilst over the past 6 and half years I feel I have dealt with this pretty well, being generally positive and still been able to exercise etc, the past month has been the most challenging.

About six weeks ago I had a set back in that my treatment stopped working, meaning the scan results showed progression of the cancer, so we had to change my treatment to more powerful drugs. This was a big set back mentally for me as I had always had positive results until now, so the little voices inside my head have been more frequent.

The voices say, is this the ending, a slippery slope, how much time do I have, will my treatment work? I try to remain positive and focus on managing these thoughts, but they are strong and it takes a lot of energy fighting them.

In addition to these thoughts, the treatment is making me more tired and side effects are stronger, losing weight, all this adds to the constant toll and stress on mind and body.

How do i fight these thoughts, will counselling help, talking to friends and family?

I also find events can heighten the anxiety, my daughters 18th Birthday was this week, this was very emotional, will I make my youngest daughters 18th in 2 years time?

I want to control these thoughts and feel all positive again, I want to feel and look healthier, I am on a mission, I will fight it and find a way with hope, I know I can do it!