Paul Middleton – My Cancer Journey

Before we start, the above picture is my beautiful family and I consider these guys to be the best gift I have ever had, to my wife Amanda, and daughters Molly & Daisy, I love you with all my heart!

What I am about to write is always personal to me, so if you are on your own cancer journey, take what you want from my stories and remember, every persons journey is unique to them and you should never take what I write as medical instructions, remedies or advice, its just my journey, what has and has not worked for me, so keep reading but with care and hopefully you find it of some use.

It’s 3am in the morning, the day after my chemotherapy and as usual, just after treatment, I cannot sleep due to the cocktail of drugs they have given me, mainly the steroids that keep you awake and also wire up the brain to get you thinking about all sorts of crazy things, hopefully I have made some good use of my time at this crazy hour and you continue to read.

So, after 6.5 years on my cancer journey, it kind of got me thinking, should I look at this disease as something else,, I mean, don’t get me wrong, I already am a super positive person, which can sometimes annoy the hell out of friends and family and also I try and do exercise still but I am not talking about those things.

What if Cancer is a “gift”? and I have been given this shitty thing and expected to do something with it other than suffer? What I hear you say, a bloody gift, is this man crazy, cancer is one of the most destructive and most feared diseases and you think it might be a gift? Cancer destroys peoples lives, it not only effects the person who is unfortunate to get it, but it impacts everyone around you and their lives too. Finding out you have cancer drops like a bomb and the blast spreads right through family and friends, so a gift, crazy idea, right?

I guess a gift is something you don’t expect to receive and is usually something of a surprise, I guess cancer fits that description partially, you don’t expect it but you are certainly surprised, better word, perhaps would be shocked! I guess most people would definitely not view it as a gift but more of a death sentence to some and a life limiting illness to others, some people also survive cancer and live a life disease free, but still then mentally, it stays with you for life, never knowing if it will return yet again for another battle.

Several years ago I used to run a cycling holiday business, which sent cyclists on holidays to some amazing regions of Spain, my wife and i ran the business for a few years but unfortunately it never grew enough to do it full time, what with cash flow and Covid, we decided to cut our losses and return to full time employment. We enjoyed it while it lasted and learned a few things, and I also got the opportunity to visit some parts of Spain I had never visited before, like Asturias, Aragon, Extremadura and generally, the north of Spain and Pyrenes.

Whilst I was on a trip around Andalucía, I met a group of like minded people on a trip who were also cycling operators, we visited some of the best areas in Andalusia and ate well and stayed at some awesome hotels and guest houses, the destination is beautiful and is famous for olives. I had the opportunity of meeting a man called Tore Naeland, a Norwegian with a big heart, positive outlook on life and great fun to be with. Tore lost 90%+ of his sight whilst very young but he decided to set up a charity called “Bike for Peace” BFP as you will read by visiting their website, is an organization dedicated to peace and organising cycle rides across the world, with the aim of using two wheels to spread the word and make the world a better place.

Tore rides a bicycle, in fact a tandem, I had the opportunity and privilege to ride with him on a tandem in the UK, when I organised one of his trips with him from Manchester to Liverpool, a great cyclist with thousands of miles in his legs. I believe that Tore has a gift that he uses to spread peace and happiness throughout the world, enriching other peoples lives and he truly wants to make the world a better place.

So, this leads me back to my “gift”, if a gift at all? I am certainly not super religious, don’t go to church to worship or anything, so think its a gift from god and all that, perhaps it is, and I don’t know that part yet? Anyway, regardless, should I be doing anything with my Cancer, view it as a gift that has been given to me for a purpose, or is this just the drugs sending my mind into a state of craziness and hypersensitivity at 3am in the morning.?

I do believe that cancer has made me a better person, so I am grateful for that, its made me view my life very differently, good and bad but I would like to think it has enriched my life by helping me recognise the good in people and understanding that everyone has some shit to deal with in their lives, whether they are dealing with a disease, family crisis, mental health or other challenges in their life. Cancer has also made me realise that its not the material things in life that are really important.

OK, , yes a nice house, car and other things like that bring you some happiness, but its short lived, you will get bored of that new car and perhaps outgrow your house, however you will always have longer lasting memories that you can share with friends and family from the experiences you create. These experiences could be holidays or just a quick coffee and cake at your favourite café with family and friends, and yes, doing the things you love, for me that’s cycling, camping and running, all with family and friends, priceless!

I have learned so much on my cancer journey so far and I am sure I will learn much more as the journey unfolds, I do not know how much more time I will be gifted but I have learned that having a positive attitude works for me and helps me deal with the shit better, I have also learned that doing some exercise as kept my body in good order, so that whatever cancer throws at me, I am in the best possible shape to confront the next chapter. I have also discovered that “food” is so important and I mean, what you eat is key to also keeping your bodies defense system in optimum order. Books like “Eat to Beat Disease” and “The Rainbow Diet” are awesome reads and give you some great recipes around what foods to eat to energise and fuel your body with the right stuff!

Learning all this stuff got me thinking, I mean its all good stuff right and will arm me with some good knowledge to help me fight cancer and give me the best possible outcomes, so why not share my experiences of my journey to help others, who have yet to discover some of this stuff. If I can share and help just one person and it changes their path for the better, then that is a gift to them right and I have used my gift and passed it onto someone else, well that’s how I see it, even if that person decides to throw that gift it away.

I am also aware that every ones journey has its own unique challenges and constraints so what I have learned and applied, does not mean it will work for all, just one will do for now.

I recently joined a virtual community called “The Cancer Club” which is a registered charity designed to “get men talking” with cancer, so you only need two criteria to join this free club, you are male and have cancer, yes its exclusive in a funny sort of a way but on the other hand, its not a club anyone would want to join. Also the club offers not only great resources, a WhatsApp group and website forum and support but also provides access to sports events and hospitality and uses this as a platform for men to meet and talk.

I have also kicked off with some men, a more localised group in Herefordshire, an extension of The Cancer Club and we held our first “face to face” get together a few weeks ago with a small start up group of men with cancer, it was great to share stories, backgrounds and our interest in sports. We are planning our next meeting now, which will be held at the “Hereford Football Club“, who have been very good in providing us a room to meet. If you are a man, have cancer and into sports, then come along, you are most welcome, its on Thursday 25th April @ 7pm.

So, should I see cancer as a gift? Despite having stage 4 Bowel Cancer, I truly believe I am gifted with the luxury of an amazing family and friends who have been there for me throughout my journey, without their support, I am not sure how my journey would have ended up. I also believe someone has given me this gift of positivity, just to note, I do have my shit days like everyone, I am human after all! This gift of positivity has enabled me to have the energy to research, keep fit and to try my best to eat well and seek out like minded people who hopefully, I can share my journey with, so that I hope they can benefit.

Finally, two words I believe will make a massive difference to your life and this is free, everyone has this in them and that’s “Kindness” and “Hope“. Be kind to people, even if they are not to you, the world will be so much better and always try and keep hope, hope that your journey will be better, hope that some day and soon we hope, cancer will be a thing that we can beat. I am currently reading a great book called “Stories of Cancer and Hope” which is a book of people sharing their stories over a few pages each, which I have found really helpful, not only because it connects me to like minded people but also, the stories give me hope.

I hope your journey is not too hard and that you can find some positivity out of this unexpected gift, good luck and keep your chin up and I hope you find something in my posts that helps, I would love to hear your comments and feedback, thanks for getting to the end.